That's the End of That

Alright. What's done is done. Almost exactly a year ago today I started at what I thought was my dream job. That turned out to not be the case, so today was my last day... I have officially quit and finished my job...

First Day - Hopeful, optimistic, excited

Last Day - Done, Just Done

Wow. These last 2 days have been so mixed with emotions... 

Over all I've felt happy, loved, appreciated, cared for, and thought of. Two of my staff members and a few of the parents gave me the sweetest, most thoughtful and generous gifts for my trip. I even got teary over a couple of them - especially a card from my baby and a book from a friend/staff member. I felt like I had fulfilled my purpose when parents told me I was the reason they chose the center - my warmth, my passion, my smile, my professionalism, my kindness, my thoughtfulness, my thoroughness - all the things that made them feel like this was the best place for their child. I do what I do to positively impact the development of a child, but also to positively impact the parents' lives and give them peace of mind and according to them, I did just that. 

But I've also felt...

Excited to be moving on after spending too long in a situation that was destroying me in every way possible. A lot of times, my only saving grace was the kids' cuddles, the families' smiles, and chatting with my staff members. Excited to have a long time fantasy turn into a reality. Excited to experience life and have some new adventures added to my book. 

Sad to be walking away from the opportunity to be a part of a few particular children's every day lives... Likely the hardest part of all of this. Luckily, the parents of these particular kiddos gave me their contact information and urged me to contact them when I'm local again for coffee or to visit with the littles. Sad to not be seeing some of my favorite people every day. Three of our staff members became amazing friends that I never could have guessed would have come from this job. I looked forward to seeing them, catching up with them, and hanging out with them every day. It will be weird not being able to do this anymore. Sad that what I once thought was exactly what I wanted to do with my entire life, ever since I was young, turns out may not actually be a good fit for me. 

Nervous that this could all go horribly wrong. Nervous that I'll be stuck financially when I get back and/or won't have a job lined up. Nervous that my mom will be on her own, alone, for the longest time in her entire life. And me too!! Nervous that I'll be bit by a snake, attacked by an alligator, the boat will explode, I'll break my ankle hiking, I'll drown snorkeling... You name it, I've thought of it. Nervous that this whole thing won't be worth the risk.

Hopeful that I'll find some answers to my career path search. Hopeful that I'll get to do heaps of things I've never done before. Hopeful that I'll come back an even better version of myself. Hopeful that I'll have the chance to learn and grow in many different areas. Hopeful that I'll come to a new understanding of myself, who I am, what I'm worth, and what I deserve.