Thursday, August 9, 2018
Monday, August 6, 2018
Confessional
I've not read more than few pages of a single book since I left and I brought 7.
I've not written but one blog and it was rushed.
I've not journaled at all.
I've not worked out even once since I left.
Things are happening too quickly and are too rushed. There isn't time for me to do the non-adventurous stuff I wanted to do. There isn't time for me to stop, slow down, realign, reflect, and/or think through some of the hard/deeper stuff.
Part of me likes the fast pace... I can use it as an excuse to leave the tough stuff where it is and just have fun and explore! This is something I'm accustomed to. My schedule is always booked. I'm always going somewhere, doing something, crossing something off a to-do list. Part of this is simply related to how many relationships I have with friends and family that I like to take care of, but part of this is definitely avoidance.
No one wants to have to dig up old feelings, memories, thoughts, sit with the junk that was dug up, and figure out how to deal with it - surely it can't be kept out in the open, but it also can't be buried again, so how do you integrate it into current life??
Due to this realization (and starting my trip late)... I have had to come to the difficult decision to remove Louisiana from my itinerary. Lousiana was going to be really busy with a lot of running around and I have decided that's not what I want or need right now. I have never been and would love to go, but it will have to be saved for another trip. Right now I want and need nature - rivers, lakes, mountains, waterfalls, beaches, etc. Right now I want and need to slow down, breathe, be present, be now, be with me. As of right now I only have one month to myself and I want to make sure I'm doing what is best for me, so I hate to take it off the itinerary, but it gives me something to look forward to for another day.
I've not written but one blog and it was rushed.
I've not journaled at all.
I've not worked out even once since I left.
Things are happening too quickly and are too rushed. There isn't time for me to do the non-adventurous stuff I wanted to do. There isn't time for me to stop, slow down, realign, reflect, and/or think through some of the hard/deeper stuff.
Part of me likes the fast pace... I can use it as an excuse to leave the tough stuff where it is and just have fun and explore! This is something I'm accustomed to. My schedule is always booked. I'm always going somewhere, doing something, crossing something off a to-do list. Part of this is simply related to how many relationships I have with friends and family that I like to take care of, but part of this is definitely avoidance.
No one wants to have to dig up old feelings, memories, thoughts, sit with the junk that was dug up, and figure out how to deal with it - surely it can't be kept out in the open, but it also can't be buried again, so how do you integrate it into current life??
Due to this realization (and starting my trip late)... I have had to come to the difficult decision to remove Louisiana from my itinerary. Lousiana was going to be really busy with a lot of running around and I have decided that's not what I want or need right now. I have never been and would love to go, but it will have to be saved for another trip. Right now I want and need nature - rivers, lakes, mountains, waterfalls, beaches, etc. Right now I want and need to slow down, breathe, be present, be now, be with me. As of right now I only have one month to myself and I want to make sure I'm doing what is best for me, so I hate to take it off the itinerary, but it gives me something to look forward to for another day.
Sunday, August 5, 2018
Accept, Appreciate, and Slow Down
After completing 4 days of my trip, I have already learned so much. These aren't necessarily brand new things... I've been told some of this stuff several times... but having a chance to experience the situations in a different environment, having a chance to pause and reflect right after, having the chance to quiet everything else in life and focus on these moments... it brings those lessons out in a new light.
The first thing I'm learning is perfectly summed up in this quote I saw at the city market in Charleston, SC - "Falling down is a part of LIFE, Getting back up is LIVING". Life isn't going to perfect all the time - as proven in the MANY things that have gone wrong since the day before my trip. My car wasn't ready on time, the parts didn't fit, I left a day and a half late, it rained, my car wouldn't start, my DampRid spilled (3 times), I couldn't find parking downtown, I brought crabs "home"..., I crushed a gift, I killed a crab, I sunk half way up my shins in mud, I didn't have a memory card in my camera, I'm likely missing something and the list will inevitably grow as I continue traveling, because... that's life. However, if I had let all of those keep me down, make me turn around, or give up, I would have missed out on meeting Steve who gave me a free history lesson on Rainbow Row, missed out on finding a beautiful, perfect shell WITHOUT a crab living in it, missed out on meeting Norma (a sweet lady from Columbus, Ohio who was certain I was 18 and couldn't stop telling me how brave I was), missed out on seeing dolphins play in the water as the sunset behind them, and missed out on all the really awesome things to come. I'm really great at falling down... it's the not always getting back up that needs to change.
Along with that, I'm learning that the good deserves as much, if not more attention than the bad. For some reason, I forget to mention in videos when really awesome stuff happens - like being expecting to have to pay a ridiculous price for parking only to have the machine break so I got out for free, like being bummed that the bike rental place on one of the islands wouldn't open for another 2 hours only to find that that worked in my favor because using my car turned out to be way better and easier, like being given a rose handmade with a palm leaf by a guy named Johnny in Forsyth Park, like wishing for a pedaling taxi to take me the mile to the park and having one come around the corner right at that moment, like having an amazing older brother who is always just a phone call away when I have car trouble and always helps me problem solve and keep me calm in those moments, and all the others that have already been forgotten and are still to come. For some reason, the bad is easier to remember and hold on to, but that needs to change.
Tied to the previous two, I'm learning I need to slow down. Many of the things that have "gone wrong" could have been avoided if I just slowed down. Slowing down and thinking it through would allow me time to listen to the little thought of "you're gonna forget and it will spill" or "you're going to forget and you're going to run it over". Slowing down would have allowed me to better check my car before going to bed, remember other things to check for before taking shells, and get my car checked 2 weeks before I left and not the day before. A wise woman, possibly the wisest I know (aska: my mother) told me as long as I learn from my mistakes, then that's all that matters. How fast I'm constantly operating needs to change.
I am learning. Learning to accept the bad and appreciate the good. Learning to slow down so I can decrease the bad and increase the good. Learning is a process though. I won't get it right away, but with patience, time, and intention I will get there.
The first thing I'm learning is perfectly summed up in this quote I saw at the city market in Charleston, SC - "Falling down is a part of LIFE, Getting back up is LIVING". Life isn't going to perfect all the time - as proven in the MANY things that have gone wrong since the day before my trip. My car wasn't ready on time, the parts didn't fit, I left a day and a half late, it rained, my car wouldn't start, my DampRid spilled (3 times), I couldn't find parking downtown, I brought crabs "home"..., I crushed a gift, I killed a crab, I sunk half way up my shins in mud, I didn't have a memory card in my camera, I'm likely missing something and the list will inevitably grow as I continue traveling, because... that's life. However, if I had let all of those keep me down, make me turn around, or give up, I would have missed out on meeting Steve who gave me a free history lesson on Rainbow Row, missed out on finding a beautiful, perfect shell WITHOUT a crab living in it, missed out on meeting Norma (a sweet lady from Columbus, Ohio who was certain I was 18 and couldn't stop telling me how brave I was), missed out on seeing dolphins play in the water as the sunset behind them, and missed out on all the really awesome things to come. I'm really great at falling down... it's the not always getting back up that needs to change.
Along with that, I'm learning that the good deserves as much, if not more attention than the bad. For some reason, I forget to mention in videos when really awesome stuff happens - like being expecting to have to pay a ridiculous price for parking only to have the machine break so I got out for free, like being bummed that the bike rental place on one of the islands wouldn't open for another 2 hours only to find that that worked in my favor because using my car turned out to be way better and easier, like being given a rose handmade with a palm leaf by a guy named Johnny in Forsyth Park, like wishing for a pedaling taxi to take me the mile to the park and having one come around the corner right at that moment, like having an amazing older brother who is always just a phone call away when I have car trouble and always helps me problem solve and keep me calm in those moments, and all the others that have already been forgotten and are still to come. For some reason, the bad is easier to remember and hold on to, but that needs to change.
Tied to the previous two, I'm learning I need to slow down. Many of the things that have "gone wrong" could have been avoided if I just slowed down. Slowing down and thinking it through would allow me time to listen to the little thought of "you're gonna forget and it will spill" or "you're going to forget and you're going to run it over". Slowing down would have allowed me to better check my car before going to bed, remember other things to check for before taking shells, and get my car checked 2 weeks before I left and not the day before. A wise woman, possibly the wisest I know (aska: my mother) told me as long as I learn from my mistakes, then that's all that matters. How fast I'm constantly operating needs to change.
I am learning. Learning to accept the bad and appreciate the good. Learning to slow down so I can decrease the bad and increase the good. Learning is a process though. I won't get it right away, but with patience, time, and intention I will get there.
Charleston, SC - Day 1
Charleston, SC was my first destination. I had no idea what to expect and honestly just put it on the itinerary because it was the first main city along the coast. Charleston surprised me so much! I had no idea it was so rich in history, traditions, scenery, and architecture! This is definitely a destination I would love to return to one day for a long weekend! Two of my favorite Charleston moments are only captured in photos - my impromptu, free history tour from Steve and the time I spent reading "Neon Soul" by Alexandra Lee (a gift from a friend before I left) while sitting on the wall by the water.
Thursday, August 2, 2018
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
Am I Crazy?
Being someone who loves traveling, I'm used to packing up my life for a weekend, a week, or even a year, so nothing that I'm doing right now feels out of the ordinary. It feels like when I pack for my week at the beach or a weekend at the mountains. A few times today, however, it ran through my head that this was anything but ordinary... that I'm about to legit live in my car for a month while driving around the southeast US... part of me freaked out, part of me got excited... but the main thought was... "Are you crazy?? This is crazy! Why would you do this? This is crazy. Surely you're not ACTUALLY doing this. You're not going to sleep in your trunk and prepare every meal in your backseat without a way to heat food! It's a weekend getaway right? Just a couple hours down the road, I'm certain. You'll be back by this time next week for sure!"
No matter how hard I try and tell myself that this is really happening... all the crazy bits and pieces... I can't wrap my head around it. I'm curious as to when I will finally realize that this is about to be my life for the next month...