Confessional

I've not read more than few pages of a single book since I left and I brought 7.

I've not written but one blog and it was rushed.

I've not journaled at all.

I've not worked out even once since I left.

Things are happening too quickly and are too rushed. There isn't time for me to do the non-adventurous stuff I wanted to do. There isn't time for me to stop, slow down, realign, reflect, and/or think through some of the hard/deeper stuff.

Part of me likes the fast pace... I can use it as an excuse to leave the tough stuff where it is and just have fun and explore! This is something I'm accustomed to. My schedule is always booked. I'm always going somewhere, doing something, crossing something off a to-do list. Part of this is simply related to how many relationships I have with friends and family that I like to take care of, but part of this is definitely avoidance.

No one wants to have to dig up old feelings, memories, thoughts, sit with the junk that was dug up, and figure out how to deal with it - surely it can't be kept out in the open, but it also can't be buried again, so how do you integrate it into current life??

Due to this realization (and starting my trip late)... I have had to come to the difficult decision to remove Louisiana from my itinerary. Lousiana was going to be really busy with a lot of running around and I have decided that's not what I want or need right now. I have never been and would love to go, but it will have to be saved for another trip. Right now I want and need nature - rivers, lakes, mountains, waterfalls, beaches, etc. Right now I want and need to slow down, breathe, be present, be now, be with me. As of right now I only have one month to myself and I want to make sure I'm doing what is best for me, so I hate to take it off the itinerary, but it gives me something to look forward to for another day.