Handling the Unpredictable
I like to know exactly what is going to happen, when, and how. I haven't always been this way... This particular "quirk" showed up about 3 years ago... when life really showed me just how unpredictable it could be. Life doesn't care if I have things planned or if someone's supposed to be part of a life milestone or anything else that I care about. Unknowingly, once I realized this I started trying to control the unpredictable by overplanning and detail scheduling everything and if anything did get changed last minute... anxiety, panic, tears, anger... it all showed up at once. My whole body reacted to the unpredicted change.
Example: Last year at the beach the plan was to check in, unload, go to the grocery store, pick up dinner, and eat at the house. This has always been my preferred way to do things so once I've eaten dinner I'm done for the night AND so I don't have to spend my first day at the beach at the grocery store. At some point in the unloading process talk started among my family about getting dinner first and then going to the grocery store. You would have thought they told me they were going to take my left foot... No one understood what was happening to me and how I so quickly became another person. To be honest, at the time, I didn't understand what was happening either. I didn't understand why that made me so upset, why it made my chest burn, why it made me want to scream and cry.
Since then, I've come to find this reaction is rooted in the most painful, unpredictable event in my life that happened 3 years ago. It's almost like my body remembers what that unexpected "change of plans" meant and felt like and now responds to all unexpected changes in plans as though they are as crucial as that particular one.
I wasn't expecting to work on this "quirk" during this trip, but life on the road is VERY different from life at home. At home I know what time I need to get up, go to bed, where to be and when, where I'll sleep, where I'll shower, where and what I'll eat, etc. Life at home is mostly predictable. Every day on the road I am faced with the unexpected and unpredictable. For instance... it is 10:30 at night and I STILL don't know what I'm going to eat for dinner or where I'll be sleeping. I often don't know when or where I'll eat or sleep. I never know what the weather is going to do and everything on my itinerary is outside. Sometimes I don't know exactly where I'll get a shower. I never know when I'll have cell service or wifi. I feel like I'm living in a constant state of unknown.
If I responded to all these moments the way I have these past 3 years, this trip would have collapsed on itself before it even started (remember the unexpected car trouble). I would have never been able to even leave. Even if I did leave, I never would have been able to enjoy it the way I have. I have completely surprised myself with my ability to handle the unpredictable and unknown while on the road. My hope is that when I return home and have to integrate back into normal life, that I am able to take this flexibility with me and apply it to life back home. I want to be able to face an unexpected change and know that it isn't life altering or heartbreaking just because the one was. I want to be able to look back and remember how well I handled the daily unpredictability of being on the road and use that to allow me to more calmly and clearly approach the moments that life decides to give me something other than what I had planned.
Monday, August 20, 2018
Why Am I Not Writing?
There are a few reasons I haven't written as I intended to...
1) QUALITY - Documenting the trip via YouTube and Instagram is proving to be a better way to capture things in the moment.
2) TIME - Putting the videos together takes A LOT of time... time that would have otherwise been used to write.
3) ENERGY - By the end of every day I am exhausted, so finding the brain power to write is difficult.
4) AVOIDANCE - I have had a hard time journaling, blogging, reflecting, etc throughout this entire trip. The stuff that tries to surface when I'm alone with my thoughts is really ugly and hard to manage in regular life let alone this very unpredictable life I'm living right now. I journaled a week or so ago for a little bit, but I didn't get very far and I was very disconnected during my writing. There is a sense of fear, although I haven't nailed down what specifically the fear is tied to.
This isn't how I envisioned this happening on this trip... I really wanted to be able to use this time and space to explore, dig, understand, heal, etc. Now, all of this isn't to say that there hasn't been any learning or reflecting. It just hasn't been what I thought it would be.
My YouTube and Instagram (both at NomadNak) are the best ways to keep up with the daily adventures and happenings of my trip. My blog will be updated periodically throughout as well as for some time when I get back - I'm hoping this trip will affect how I live life when I return and will want to document that.
Thank you to those who are reading, watching, Instagramming, etc. It really means a lot to me that I have some of you going on this trip with me. :)
Thursday, August 9, 2018
Week 1 Tallys and Updates!!
As of about 11:30 this morning, I have officially been road tripping for one week!! That means I'm also officially 1/4 of the way through this wonderful, crazy, beautiful, fun, once in a lifetime adventure and learning experience! 7 days down... That's crazy... Because in some ways I feel like I started yesterday and in other ways I feel like it's been way too long...
In one week I have driven approximately 945 miles in approximately 28.5 hours!! For a girl who HATES driving and used to be terrified to drive from her college campus to her church 8 miles down the road... this is QUITE the feat!! That being said, I did drive on the other side of the car on the other side of the road in Australia, but I've never driven this far by myself before!!
I have slept in 7 hotel parking lots, been to 7 planet fitness locations, been in the ocean 4 times, eaten 2 free breakfasts, been in 2 springs, saw 2 stingrays, collected 2 complete (non inhabited) shells, and rode on 1 ferry. I have met countless friendly locals and travelers.
One thing I won't tally up is how much money I've spent... I've been keeping track on a log, but I won't calculate the total, because while I don't want to run out or put myself in a bind... I also want to be able to enjoy my time and experiences.
What I Miss Most (other than my cat): Having a Fridge
Favorite Car Meal: Turkey, Avo, and Lettuce Wrap
Top Destination Spot: Driftwood Beach on Jekyll Island, Georgia
Favorite Local Spot: TeaStori in Gainesville, FL
Top Excursion/Activity: Kayaking the Mangroves on Caledesi
What I Wish I Had Done Differently: Packed Less Stuff
Top Lesson Learned: Not everything in life can be predicted, scheduled, or planned and THAT'S OKAY!!
Monday, August 6, 2018
Confessional
I've not read more than few pages of a single book since I left and I brought 7.
I've not written but one blog and it was rushed.
I've not journaled at all.
I've not worked out even once since I left.
Things are happening too quickly and are too rushed. There isn't time for me to do the non-adventurous stuff I wanted to do. There isn't time for me to stop, slow down, realign, reflect, and/or think through some of the hard/deeper stuff.
Part of me likes the fast pace... I can use it as an excuse to leave the tough stuff where it is and just have fun and explore! This is something I'm accustomed to. My schedule is always booked. I'm always going somewhere, doing something, crossing something off a to-do list. Part of this is simply related to how many relationships I have with friends and family that I like to take care of, but part of this is definitely avoidance.
No one wants to have to dig up old feelings, memories, thoughts, sit with the junk that was dug up, and figure out how to deal with it - surely it can't be kept out in the open, but it also can't be buried again, so how do you integrate it into current life??
Due to this realization (and starting my trip late)... I have had to come to the difficult decision to remove Louisiana from my itinerary. Lousiana was going to be really busy with a lot of running around and I have decided that's not what I want or need right now. I have never been and would love to go, but it will have to be saved for another trip. Right now I want and need nature - rivers, lakes, mountains, waterfalls, beaches, etc. Right now I want and need to slow down, breathe, be present, be now, be with me. As of right now I only have one month to myself and I want to make sure I'm doing what is best for me, so I hate to take it off the itinerary, but it gives me something to look forward to for another day.
I've not written but one blog and it was rushed.
I've not journaled at all.
I've not worked out even once since I left.
Things are happening too quickly and are too rushed. There isn't time for me to do the non-adventurous stuff I wanted to do. There isn't time for me to stop, slow down, realign, reflect, and/or think through some of the hard/deeper stuff.
Part of me likes the fast pace... I can use it as an excuse to leave the tough stuff where it is and just have fun and explore! This is something I'm accustomed to. My schedule is always booked. I'm always going somewhere, doing something, crossing something off a to-do list. Part of this is simply related to how many relationships I have with friends and family that I like to take care of, but part of this is definitely avoidance.
No one wants to have to dig up old feelings, memories, thoughts, sit with the junk that was dug up, and figure out how to deal with it - surely it can't be kept out in the open, but it also can't be buried again, so how do you integrate it into current life??
Due to this realization (and starting my trip late)... I have had to come to the difficult decision to remove Louisiana from my itinerary. Lousiana was going to be really busy with a lot of running around and I have decided that's not what I want or need right now. I have never been and would love to go, but it will have to be saved for another trip. Right now I want and need nature - rivers, lakes, mountains, waterfalls, beaches, etc. Right now I want and need to slow down, breathe, be present, be now, be with me. As of right now I only have one month to myself and I want to make sure I'm doing what is best for me, so I hate to take it off the itinerary, but it gives me something to look forward to for another day.
Sunday, August 5, 2018
Accept, Appreciate, and Slow Down
After completing 4 days of my trip, I have already learned so much. These aren't necessarily brand new things... I've been told some of this stuff several times... but having a chance to experience the situations in a different environment, having a chance to pause and reflect right after, having the chance to quiet everything else in life and focus on these moments... it brings those lessons out in a new light.
The first thing I'm learning is perfectly summed up in this quote I saw at the city market in Charleston, SC - "Falling down is a part of LIFE, Getting back up is LIVING". Life isn't going to perfect all the time - as proven in the MANY things that have gone wrong since the day before my trip. My car wasn't ready on time, the parts didn't fit, I left a day and a half late, it rained, my car wouldn't start, my DampRid spilled (3 times), I couldn't find parking downtown, I brought crabs "home"..., I crushed a gift, I killed a crab, I sunk half way up my shins in mud, I didn't have a memory card in my camera, I'm likely missing something and the list will inevitably grow as I continue traveling, because... that's life. However, if I had let all of those keep me down, make me turn around, or give up, I would have missed out on meeting Steve who gave me a free history lesson on Rainbow Row, missed out on finding a beautiful, perfect shell WITHOUT a crab living in it, missed out on meeting Norma (a sweet lady from Columbus, Ohio who was certain I was 18 and couldn't stop telling me how brave I was), missed out on seeing dolphins play in the water as the sunset behind them, and missed out on all the really awesome things to come. I'm really great at falling down... it's the not always getting back up that needs to change.
Along with that, I'm learning that the good deserves as much, if not more attention than the bad. For some reason, I forget to mention in videos when really awesome stuff happens - like being expecting to have to pay a ridiculous price for parking only to have the machine break so I got out for free, like being bummed that the bike rental place on one of the islands wouldn't open for another 2 hours only to find that that worked in my favor because using my car turned out to be way better and easier, like being given a rose handmade with a palm leaf by a guy named Johnny in Forsyth Park, like wishing for a pedaling taxi to take me the mile to the park and having one come around the corner right at that moment, like having an amazing older brother who is always just a phone call away when I have car trouble and always helps me problem solve and keep me calm in those moments, and all the others that have already been forgotten and are still to come. For some reason, the bad is easier to remember and hold on to, but that needs to change.
Tied to the previous two, I'm learning I need to slow down. Many of the things that have "gone wrong" could have been avoided if I just slowed down. Slowing down and thinking it through would allow me time to listen to the little thought of "you're gonna forget and it will spill" or "you're going to forget and you're going to run it over". Slowing down would have allowed me to better check my car before going to bed, remember other things to check for before taking shells, and get my car checked 2 weeks before I left and not the day before. A wise woman, possibly the wisest I know (aska: my mother) told me as long as I learn from my mistakes, then that's all that matters. How fast I'm constantly operating needs to change.
I am learning. Learning to accept the bad and appreciate the good. Learning to slow down so I can decrease the bad and increase the good. Learning is a process though. I won't get it right away, but with patience, time, and intention I will get there.
The first thing I'm learning is perfectly summed up in this quote I saw at the city market in Charleston, SC - "Falling down is a part of LIFE, Getting back up is LIVING". Life isn't going to perfect all the time - as proven in the MANY things that have gone wrong since the day before my trip. My car wasn't ready on time, the parts didn't fit, I left a day and a half late, it rained, my car wouldn't start, my DampRid spilled (3 times), I couldn't find parking downtown, I brought crabs "home"..., I crushed a gift, I killed a crab, I sunk half way up my shins in mud, I didn't have a memory card in my camera, I'm likely missing something and the list will inevitably grow as I continue traveling, because... that's life. However, if I had let all of those keep me down, make me turn around, or give up, I would have missed out on meeting Steve who gave me a free history lesson on Rainbow Row, missed out on finding a beautiful, perfect shell WITHOUT a crab living in it, missed out on meeting Norma (a sweet lady from Columbus, Ohio who was certain I was 18 and couldn't stop telling me how brave I was), missed out on seeing dolphins play in the water as the sunset behind them, and missed out on all the really awesome things to come. I'm really great at falling down... it's the not always getting back up that needs to change.
Along with that, I'm learning that the good deserves as much, if not more attention than the bad. For some reason, I forget to mention in videos when really awesome stuff happens - like being expecting to have to pay a ridiculous price for parking only to have the machine break so I got out for free, like being bummed that the bike rental place on one of the islands wouldn't open for another 2 hours only to find that that worked in my favor because using my car turned out to be way better and easier, like being given a rose handmade with a palm leaf by a guy named Johnny in Forsyth Park, like wishing for a pedaling taxi to take me the mile to the park and having one come around the corner right at that moment, like having an amazing older brother who is always just a phone call away when I have car trouble and always helps me problem solve and keep me calm in those moments, and all the others that have already been forgotten and are still to come. For some reason, the bad is easier to remember and hold on to, but that needs to change.
Tied to the previous two, I'm learning I need to slow down. Many of the things that have "gone wrong" could have been avoided if I just slowed down. Slowing down and thinking it through would allow me time to listen to the little thought of "you're gonna forget and it will spill" or "you're going to forget and you're going to run it over". Slowing down would have allowed me to better check my car before going to bed, remember other things to check for before taking shells, and get my car checked 2 weeks before I left and not the day before. A wise woman, possibly the wisest I know (aska: my mother) told me as long as I learn from my mistakes, then that's all that matters. How fast I'm constantly operating needs to change.
I am learning. Learning to accept the bad and appreciate the good. Learning to slow down so I can decrease the bad and increase the good. Learning is a process though. I won't get it right away, but with patience, time, and intention I will get there.
Charleston, SC - Day 1
Charleston, SC was my first destination. I had no idea what to expect and honestly just put it on the itinerary because it was the first main city along the coast. Charleston surprised me so much! I had no idea it was so rich in history, traditions, scenery, and architecture! This is definitely a destination I would love to return to one day for a long weekend! Two of my favorite Charleston moments are only captured in photos - my impromptu, free history tour from Steve and the time I spent reading "Neon Soul" by Alexandra Lee (a gift from a friend before I left) while sitting on the wall by the water.
Thursday, August 2, 2018
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
Am I Crazy?
Being someone who loves traveling, I'm used to packing up my life for a weekend, a week, or even a year, so nothing that I'm doing right now feels out of the ordinary. It feels like when I pack for my week at the beach or a weekend at the mountains. A few times today, however, it ran through my head that this was anything but ordinary... that I'm about to legit live in my car for a month while driving around the southeast US... part of me freaked out, part of me got excited... but the main thought was... "Are you crazy?? This is crazy! Why would you do this? This is crazy. Surely you're not ACTUALLY doing this. You're not going to sleep in your trunk and prepare every meal in your backseat without a way to heat food! It's a weekend getaway right? Just a couple hours down the road, I'm certain. You'll be back by this time next week for sure!"
No matter how hard I try and tell myself that this is really happening... all the crazy bits and pieces... I can't wrap my head around it. I'm curious as to when I will finally realize that this is about to be my life for the next month...