If you’re here, you likely know at least a little bit about
my story. If not, here’s a quick recap of what’s relevant to what’s about to
happen.
I’ve loved the arts – theater, poetry, dance, music, writing, mixed
media, etc since I was a tot. I’ve loved flying and traveling since I was about
10. I’ve loved adrenaline since I was about 13. I’ve loved big travel and
adventure since I was about 18. I’ve been to Australia (1.5 years), New Zealand
(1.5 weeks), and Ireland (1.5 weeks) on my own. All of this… I’ve gotten from
my dad – a dreamer, traveler, adventurer, and secret artist. *Forever Grateful*
However, I have always been and will always be a mama’s girl
– she’s literally my favorite person. My cat’s name is Munkie, she is 8 years
old, and I’ve had her since the day she was born. She is my literal life-saver.
My childhood, adolescene, and early adulthood has some
pretty fantastic pieces to it - family games, Friday night fast food and movies
with the family, bed time routine with my mom, Christmas and progressive
dinners with extended family and friends, trips to the lake, sleepovers and
birthday parties with friends, beach trips with friends, Florida and Hawaii
with just my dad, putting makeup on my dad and doing his hair, getting out of
school early to go to the movies with my mom, summers at home with my brother,
being protected from bad dreams by my brother, exploring the woods with my
brothers, late nights with roommates in college, the list could literally go
on. That being said, my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood had some
equally awful pieces to it. The details aren’t necessary, but the events are a
part of my past and were intense and/or frequent enough to shape my thoughts, how I
managed feelings, how I coped with the world, etc. These thoughts were
maladaptive and my feeling management and coping strategies weren’t healthy,
but they were the only way I knew how to keep on. I carried all of this with me
into my adult years.
3 years ago my life got flipped upside down. I wasn’t ready,
no one ever could be. I really wasn’t ready though, in the sense that I had never
healed from my past and was still experiencing maladaptive thoughts, poor feelings management, and unhealthy coping strategies. This sent me down - further than I have ever gone before. To a dark place. An unreachable place. A
dangerous place. 2 years ago (after pressure from some friends and family) I
started seeking help. Help to cope, help to manage, help to ultimately and
eventually heal. Nearly 1 year ago, life flipped again. This time with some warning and not quite as
drastically, but enough that it set me back. Since then I’ve gotten to witness
some major growth and progress in my health – mentally, emotionally, and
physically.
I’m nearly 2 years from my date of first seeking help and
I’m in the best place I’ve ever been, but I’m still not where I want to be or
where I believe I can be. There’s more to be tapped into and that’s where this
journey comes into play. So many negative things in my life have just happened
to me instead of me being an active decision maker in the process. I just
turned 28 and I think it’s high time that I take control and get to make life
happen. This could be great, it could be awful, but likely will be a mix of
both. Either way, no matter what happens… it will be another adventurous piece
of my story.
